In the past, I often noticed my reactions to daily events, stressors, people, and habits, wondering if my behaviors were just who I am. For example, I believed my drive to constantly be busy was my need to be successful, and my passion for perfectionism was part of my values.
However, these behaviors can be silently ingrained psychological and physiological responses to trauma. Because my nervous system sensed the immediate and intense need to protect me, it activated my fight, flight, freeze, and fawn survival mechanisms in various forms. While helpful at first, as I matured, they became a self-imposed prison.
During the early days of my recovery and self-discovery journey to becoming UnBound, I came to understand that I could choose reactions and responses most beneficial to my way of living and being. However, it wasn’t enough to know I had choices; to sustain recovery, I needed to understand, acknowledge, and accept the events that brought me to the threshold of trauma recovery.
Let’s take a brief look at the pattern and progression of silent influences that led me to the belief, “It’s just how I am.” See if any or all of these resonate with you.
1. Repetition and Reinforcement: Repeated traumatic experiences in my life reinforced specific behaviors and responses as habitual. Over time, these responses became automatic and felt like a natural part of who I believed myself to be.
2. Lack of Awareness: I did not recognize my reactions as trauma responses. Without awareness, I interpreted my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and behaviors as inherent traits rather than responses to trauma.
3. Normalization: In an effort to cope, I normalized my trauma responses, integrating them into daily life. This maintained a sense of control or stability, but in reality, I was reacting to a lack of inner and external safety.
4. Internalization: I internalized negative beliefs about myself, feeling unworthy or unlovable, especially if I wasn’t busy working, proving myself, or becoming better or perfect. These beliefs shaped my self-identity and reinforced the idea that “this is just how I am.”
5. Societal and Cultural Factors: Societal attitudes and cultural norms influenced how I perceived myself and my trauma responses. Growing up in an era of “put on your big girl panties and suck it up” meant there was little understanding or support for survivors of sexual and domestic violence. This left me feeling more isolated and believing my responses were inherent rather than situational.
6. Defense Mechanisms: To protect myself from the pain associated with trauma, I developed defense mechanisms like denial, repression, rationalization, and self-deprecation. These reinforced the belief that my behaviors and beliefs were just part of who I am.
Bonus: Journaling Prompt
Reflect on the following question: “Is it really just who you are, or is it a trauma response?”
Consider these points as you write:
1. Identify behaviors or thoughts you attribute to “just being you.”
2. Explore the origins of these behaviors or thoughts. Can you trace them back to specific events or periods in your life?
3. Reflect on whether these behaviors or thoughts serve a protective function. Do they help you avoid certain feelings or situations?
4. Consider how these patterns have impacted your relationships and personal growth. Are they helping or hindering you?
5. Imagine how you might feel or behave differently if these patterns were no longer present. What changes might you notice in yourself and your interactions with others?
Write freely and honestly, allowing yourself to explore the possibility that some aspects of your behavior might be trauma responses rather than intrinsic parts of your identity.
Recognizing the difference between inherent traits and trauma responses is a crucial step in your healing journey. By understanding and acknowledging these influences, you can begin to make conscious choices that align with your true self. Remember, it’s a journey, and it’s okay to seek support along the way. I encourage you to explore the process of becoming UnBound and discover freedom when you choose living deliberately.