“Facing our truths through writing heals us in so many ways. We learn what is important to us as we pen our pain and turn the page.”

I didn’t know how to share my story at first. It was awkward, filled with fear of rejection, long sentences that sometimes made sense only to me. My thoughts were, “What if I’m too much, too ugly for them?” But I wasn’t. They sat in silence, some wiping a tear, some clasping their hands over their heart, and some sat in silence uncertain of what the “right words” were to say. 

No one rejected me. 

My trauma experience still has this effect on people, but I’ve become accustomed to the varied responses. 

Sometimes, reading my words has a cringe factor effect on me, and I judge myself. I found myself many times speechless with too many thoughts to hold in one sentence. How did I endure all these years? 

I didn’t know as a child that I had an intent to survive, then and now. 

If not for those who encouraged me to share my experiences, I would not be here. And today, it’s not so much that I need to tell my story, but it’s about accepting all my truths and the process of receiving them. Truths I must allow to be a part of my journey and those which give meaning to my path. Truths I now SHARE.

I believe our hidden truths can come to us in our dreams. Sharing the feelings, meanings, and exploring the interpretations can open us to possibilities of unimaginable proportions. Please, indulge me while I share something with you that may help with understanding my Journey of Awareness. 

I’ve never been one to remember my dreams, as they have been traditionally nightmarish. This dream was highly unusual. 

I am in a conversation with the Universe. A kind voice spoke to me in a space that was like daylight. It felt safe, though I did not see who was speaking to me.

I was standing on a piece of paper the same color as the daylight surrounding me. There were lines on the paper and I was standing on one of the lines. Above me the paper was blank; below there were words. This voice was telling me to connect to the Universe, several times. I had a feeling of confusion, of unity, of something I was being asked to do, but I recall resistance from me. 

On my left was a negative statement of sorts, I don’t know what it said. I only know I was being asked not to look left, that didn’t concern me.  I was to pay attention to what I was hearing and the positive statement on the right. 

“Connect to the Universe….” And though there was more to this I couldn’t remember what it was when I woke up. 

I felt myself resist in my dream. I didn’t feel ready. Simultaneously, it all felt amenable. 

As I was sharing my dream, a variety of words were explored by myself and my mentor. Enrich, amplify, unite and agree, reconciliation, harmony, accordance, integrate, acquiesce, edge, and evolve, all in the effort to assist with remembering what the full message was. 

I had a sense of being on the edge because I heard these words, “It’s one more step.” I discovered that step tonight. You see I was missing a word in the dream. RECEIVE. 

“Connect to the Universe, be open to the higher self to receive the energy needed to love all parts of self. ” 

Now it made sense. It’s not enough to face my truth, I must be open to accepting all parts, even the ones I am resistant to seeing out of guilt or shame. The universe cannot connect with me if I’m not open to receiving everything it has for me.

The conversation with the universe was  a gentle nudge to remind me of my Journey to Awareness that I asked for. I am accepted by others and the Universe, and I accept myself, radically transformed in ways I never imagined. 

Now I can write a new story.