Letting Go Of Expectations In A Survivor’s World
I raise my almost 13-year-old grandson, challenged with ASD, OCD, and ADHD. Like any youth his age, he grapples with the challenges of prepubescence, navigating confusion in thought processes, and uncertainties about himself.When he makes decisions alien to me, sometimes I forget to pause before expressing my confusion and frustration. In those moments, my goal is to make him understand the importance of decisions at this stage. However, I must also realize that setting expectations diminishes his confidence and adds confusion to what’s expected of him and what he expects of himself.
Walk with me and explore liberation from the burdens of setting expectations for ourselves and others. The first step is awareness and acknowledging that we care about what others think, evident in how we present ourselves, our homes, our jobs, and more. The next steps focus on Unbinding ourselves from the false beliefs that tell us we are not enough.
Your Worth Matters
But consider this: the efforts put into being our best selves need to be for our own worth, acknowledging and accepting that we are enough. We can wish for what we want, but what if we appreciate what we have and where we are as enough? What if, as Juan Matus said , “we let others be.” Society imposes expectations that make us feel inadequate. To break the habit of expectations, the key is not to lower the bar but to stop expecting more of ourselves and others than we can give at this moment. Tomorrow is uncertain, so focus on what is achievable now.
Reflecting on Efforts
Reflect on your efforts; have you done everything to move closer to your goals? Identify barriers, whether it’s a lack of motivation or a belief that you don’t deserve success. Over-caring and intense frustration are two more barriers that stem from a desire for things to be right; however, they can become inadvertent arrogance when things don’t align. Last, respect that we need to experience failure to grow and liberate ourselves from distorted beliefs.
Comparison steals joy, and expectations for others lead to disappointment. Consider releasing the notion that everyone should conform to your thinking. Caring about others’ opinions is natural, but it matters more to you than to them.