As a survivor of trauma, I once believed that self-care and selflessness couldn’t coexist. Like many of us, I learned to doubt myself and prioritize others’ needs as a way to feel accepted or safe. But over time, I found that balancing self-trust with genuine compassion was one of the most powerful steps in my healing. This balance showed me that I can honor my needs while offering kindness to others—a profound act of self-respect. True selflessness, I realized, doesn’t come from neglecting ourselves; it’s rooted in a grounded sense of self that allows us to give authentically.
Self-trust and selflessness might seem like contrasting qualities, but in my experience, they work hand in hand to support true healing. Self-trust, for me, has been the ability to rely on my own instincts, intuition, and decisions—a foundation that was shaken after experiencing situations that stunted my confidence. Rebuilding this trust has been essential because it allows me to make choices that align with my values rather than being driven by reactions rooted in past trauma. Through self-trust, I learned to set boundaries, honor my limits, and build relationships that respect my needs as well as the needs of others.
Selflessness, on the other hand, is often misunderstood as self-sacrifice, but I’ve come to see it differently. For me, true selflessness isn’t about setting my own needs aside; it’s about contributing to others’ well-being with purpose and intention. Without self-trust, I found that selflessness could easily lead to burnout and self-betrayal. But as I began to build a stronger foundation of self-trust, my acts of kindness started to feel fulfilling and energizing, not draining. By setting boundaries around my selflessness, I’ve been able to give to others without losing myself in the process—a powerful reinforcement of self-respect that’s helped shape my recovery.
A vital part of this journey has been self-acceptance, which has become the cornerstone of both self-trust and genuine selflessness. Accepting myself didn’t come easily; like many survivors, I internalized negative beliefs from past experiences and struggled with the weight of perfectionism and people-pleasing. Society often promotes these ideals, making it easy to lose sight of who we truly are. But embracing self-acceptance has freed me from the pressure of external expectations. It’s allowed me to let go of the belief that I have to sacrifice my well-being to meet others’ needs, leading to healthier relationships and a deeper sense of fulfillment.
Trusting myself has also meant honoring my truth. For me, self-trust has been transformative, helping me recognize what feels safe, set boundaries, and offer support without compromising who I am. Self-trust isn’t about perfection; it’s about finding confidence in my own wisdom, which has only enriched my ability to help others.
When selflessness is grounded in self-trust, it no longer feels depleting. Genuine giving flows from a resilient sense of self. I’ve discovered that I can support others without losing myself, creating a balanced approach to relationships that feels sustainable and true to who I am.
“Perhaps healing begins when we trust ourselves enough to give without losing ourselves—embracing self-care and selflessness as allies, not opposites, on the path to becoming UnBound.”
— Sher Unbound
Trauma recovery has been a journey of learning to trust myself and accepting who I am, scars and all. Self-trust and selflessness aren’t opposing forces; they’re allies on the path to becoming UnBound. When I trust my path, selflessness becomes a peaceful, natural extension of who I am, free from guilt or obligation. Healing isn’t just about protecting myself; it’s also about connecting with others in meaningful ways while staying true to myself. Embracing this journey, each step in self-trust has freed me to live UnBound—empowered to give freely, authentically, and without compromise.